My favorite award show, The MTV Video Music Awards, are airing tonight (MTV…obviously, 8PM ET). Now, why is this my favorite award show? Because they are absolutely trash (in the best way possible). What other award show could Kanye West yell at a little white girl? What other award show could pop juggernauts Madonna and Britney Spears kiss? (Christina Aguilera was there too). What other award show would Prince show his ass? 

None. You ain’t seeing this shit go down at the American Music Awards. 

People bring their A game for the VMAs. The VMAs have given us some of the most iconic pop performances and I’m ‘bout to go through them all. Well, most of them. The important stuff.

Join me on this journey - VMAs: A Retrospective: The 1980s:

• 1984:

The first one. The night The Cars (Who?) beat Michael Jackson’s Thriller for Video of the Year. But I’ll let that go. Cause that night also gave us this:

Madonna - Like A Virgin:

The first VMAs and already they’ve scored an iconic performance with Madonna. This performance may seem rather tame by today’s standards, but back in the day, this was a big fucking deal. Dry humping the floor was apparently too risque for the family values of 1984.  

• 1986:

During a time when MTV was being criticized for not featuring enough videos by black artists, Whitney Houston came through to grab MTV by the wig and told those hoes to pay up. She performed her songs How Will I Know & The Greatest Love of All with a minimal set and maximum vocal presence. 

Whitney Houston - How Will I Know/Greatest Love of All

• 1989: 

I just love this performance. The dance moves are so perfectly 80s. Slayed.

Madonna - Express Yourself:

Also, in case American Idol (and her insanity) has made you a bit hazy, Paula Abdul used to shut shit down: 

Paula Abdul - Straight Up/Cold Hearted/Forever Your Girl

This next performance is notable because when you get to 1:14, you’ll see good ol’ Bobby Brown pick up a questionable white bag from the floor that fell from his pocket. Peculiar. Bobby will claim that it was a diamond watch. A. Watch. Uh huh.

Bobby Brown - On Our Own (The video title is wrong, def from the 1989 awards).

Up next: The 90s.